hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize