so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
