Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
