If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
