I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
