on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
