Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
