At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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