i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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