thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
