You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
