Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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