I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The air taste purple.
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