Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
