The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my being single is dangerous.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
