so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
