Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
