dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize