I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
