Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My liver just had a heart attack.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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