You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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