I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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