In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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