You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize