That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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