My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
