Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What a dumb baby whore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
