i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
