My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
