Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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