i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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