How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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