I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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