and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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