I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize