soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
