i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
