laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
