I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
