Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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