He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize