God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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