who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
