im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't turn off my feet"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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