i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
