I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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