Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
