I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
