I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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