I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
