Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im part way to drunk.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
