I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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