I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
