HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
