I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
