I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
