Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
