She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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