i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
