dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize