Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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