Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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