I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
