An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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