her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
