I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
