I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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