My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
