I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
