Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
