On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
