Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize