So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
