i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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