I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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