I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize