Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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