i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
