So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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