if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
