One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
