When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize