Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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