THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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