so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
