ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
