In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
