Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
