You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
