Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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