someone owes me an orgasm
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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