Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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