Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i believe in u and ur pee
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
