New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
