She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
