You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
