How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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