I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
