he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
