Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
