you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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