I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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