the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
True strength comes from lack of pants
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
