So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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