There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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