First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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