I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
