i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
